To a person I'll always love
by Maria - Madoka Ayukawa
Summary: Tezuka took a hard decision long ago, and now he faces the consequences it brings to him and his family... TezukaxFuji slash for 30 Romances and Lemon After Taste. ONESHOT!


_**"To a person I'll always love".**_

Written for: 30 Romances and Lemon After Taste communities.  
Pairing/Characters: Kunimitsu Tezuka, Syuusuke Fuji, the Fuji and Tezuka families, Sadaharu Inui.  
Rating: PG-13 for boy love (TezukaxFuji slash), allusions to homosexuality.  
Disclaimer/claimer (if needed): Konomi-san says it's his. So I kinda say "Konomi-san, can I borrow it with credits to you? PRETTY PLEASE?".  
Summary (if needed): Tezuka took a decision long ago, and is willing to face the consequences it will bring to him and his family. Written to go against the annoying tendence to demonize the Tezuka family in many fanfictions.

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The Tezuka family's common gravestone in the cemetary was, since Kunikazu Tezuka's demise, always kept clean of any kind of dirt and dry flowers, even more so than the nearby stones. Kunikazu's grandson, Kunimitsu, knew it was mostly thanks to his parents, Ayana and Kuniharu, who'd come to the graveyard each weekend to kinda fulfill the deceased man's wish to be always remembered.

However, in the current weekend, Kiniharu is out of town and Ayana is sick in bed, so they asked their son to take their place this time. He complied without any hesitation, wanting to spend some moments on his own in front of his grandfather, since he felt that he still had a debt with the man who died six months ago...

And now, Tezuka quietly stands in front of this stone, with a bouquet of bluish flowers in a hand, a ladel and a water-filled bucket provided by the cementary people at his feet - and a sad, bittersweet smile on his lips. As he cleans up the gravestone, changes the dry flowers in the hanatachi (1) for fresh ones, lightens up some incense in the kouro (2) and pours water in the mizubachi (3), he thinks of the man who recently passed away...

"Grandfather...".

His first memories of Kunikazu are associated to cold and snow. Kunimitsu was around six years old, seven maybe, and the streets of his neighborhood were completely packed with snow in those winter days. He was coming from a particularly heavy day at elementary school, but it was real hard to walk with those short legs of his'... His grandfather was coming from work and found him struggling to walk without getting almost buried in the white and cold substance, and it was easy for the old-but-still-alert Judo instructor to lift the boy in his arms and carry him home.

"Kunimitsu, you can't be that clumsy", he admonished the child when they arrived to the Tezuka household. "How are you expected to take care of your loved ones if you can't take care of yourself?".

_Don't be careless. Don't get distracted. Take care of yourself for the sake of your loved ones. Be strict with the ones you care for and make them work hard for their own happiness._ Those were his mottos since that particular snowy day, and they guided his life from the very morning to the late night. He had to fulfill his own word and be true to what his parents and grandfather told him.

But he later learnt that things don't go always as planned. Because it wasn't his plan to get his left shoulder injured in his first year of junior high, certainly. Neither was to make his injury even worse after playing against people like Echizen and Atobe. And specially... he never ever planned to get tangled up in one of his closest friends, and fall in love with him.

To say that the Tezuka family was shocked to discover that he and Syuusuke Fuji were an item... that was an understatement. However, after the initial shock, his parents tried to take it as calmly as they could. They talked several times with their now-college-aged son, either separatedly or both of them together, and always got the same reply from him. That he had thought of it several times, tried to examine and analyze his feelings for the other man, questioned himself for feeling attracted to him, and in the end could only reach the conclusion that he loved him. And that Fuji loved him back as well.

"I'm very sorry, Father, Mother", he told them in their last talk, some months ago, "but I won't deny the facts anymore. I'm in love with Syuusuke, I really am. And I'm willing to face whatever consequences will come for it".

After that, they didn't openly question him anymore. Well, his father'd often sigh and wonder if this was what Kunimitsu really wanted for himself, and his mother'd do likewise and sometimes even cry when on her own - but they tried hard to accept their son's choice, and even were as nice to Fuji as the situation allowed them. Same happened with the Fuji family, which in return for this treated Tezuka with all the kindness they could; he even had the approval of Yumiko and Yuuta, Fuji's siblings, and due to the special relationship his boyfriend had with both of them, those were excellent news.

But with his grandfather, things weren't as "smooth". Kunikazu never screamed at his grandson, nor tried to beat him up or kick him out of the household, like some other people would... but ever since he knew of Fuji being more than a friend to Kunimitsu, their relationship went strained. Neither grandfather nor grandson really had their hearts in their respective sleeves, true, but the tension and the silence between both men was so thick, that you could almost cut the air with a knife whenever they were in the same room. Though deep down, both of them knew what the other wanted to say.

_Do you realize what this choice of yours will bring to you, Kunimitsu?_

/ Yes, grandfather, I do. So does Syuusuke. /

_I raised you to be always alert and protect the ones important to you, but this isn't what I had in mind... _

/ I'm doing what you taught me to. It's a pity that my interpretation of your messages doesn't fit yours./

_I'm displeased with your choice, to say it least. But more than displeased, though, I'm wary of what will happen with your life..._

/I know. I already thought of it when I took my decision. And no one outside of me and Syuusuke will make me change it. He's the one I want to protect and take care of, aside of you and my parents... /

_So... _

/Ask me a thousand times, and I'll always say yes. My concept of happiness is not yours, grandfather, and I'm sorry it's like this. /

Around three years ago, Kunikazu's health started to gradually deteriorate. It was of mere old age, some said; it was the sadness and shame he felt about his grandson's "horrible and offensive behavior", others commented. Kunikazu himself never spoke about the last part, not even with Kuniharu and Ayana, but Kunimitsu always remembered the poisonous intentions behind those comments. He did already know that his choice in a life partner would bring trouble with others, but this did not mean it didn't hurt him to actually be faced with such a situation.

One day, six months ago, Tezuka and Fuji found a half-unconscious Kunikazu lying next to his bedroom's window, grabbing his chest. Recognizing his sympthoms as signals of a heart attack, both men did their best to save his life, to no avail - when medical help finally arrived, he was already dead. In those moments and the days that followed, Tezuka felt horribly powerless; he had always thought he would protect his grandfather, that he'd be able to carry him on his back just like Kunikazu had once carried him in his arms as a little child, in that snowy day...

"I know things like this happen", he told his parents and boyfriend, when they asked him how he felt. "I know I'm no perfect hero who can save everyone singlehandledly. But... I wish I could've told him so many things. Whether he knew or not how I felt about our distance, I wish I could've spoken to my grandfather about that...".

However, Tezuka knew very well that such things were just wishful thinking. When he did have the chance, he chose not to speak. And soon, months passed...

In the current moment, Kunimitsu Tezuka is serenely sitting in front of his grandfather's grave, burning incense in the kouro as he quietly offers a prayer... that, telling truths, is a mix of all the things he could never tell to Kunikazu.

_/Grandfather, six months have passed since you died... I'm pretty much still the same person you left behind. I don't feel guilt anymore in that sense. I'm no doctor, and even if I was, I doubt I could've saved you.../_

_/Syuusuke is still my boyfriend. He has been a strong emotional support for me. It's ironic that, for years, I was the pillar of Seigaku, yet I currently need to rely on him so much. We're not a perfect couple, by no one's standards... but we're still there for each other. /_

_/I chose to be with that man. I won't lie to you; there were times when I thought it'd be better to leave and stop fighting. But you see, we're still with each other. And we're going to fight against whatever comes. I can't know if we'll succeed each time, grandfather... but none of us is the type who'll go down with our ship and surrender. /_

_/So, if you still wonder if we're willing to stay together... Yes, grandfather, we are. We've fought hard for our common happiness, and will continue doing so./_

The young man feels tears coming to his eyes, so he takes off his glasses and wipes them away. When ready, he puts the spectacles back on, finishes his prayers and stays there, quietly sitting in front of the stone until the short incense stick is almost fully consumed. Then, he looks at the flowers placed in the hanatachi... He has chosen blue flowers that, according to Inui, in floral language they mean "I'll never forget you". So much for their name, forget-me-not...

They're as blue and beautiful as the eyes of the man who's surely waiting for him at the gates of the graveyard. The man who started out as Tezuka's teammate and friend, and years after that... is still by his side as his partner, the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

Tezuka gets up, and after murmuring a final good-bye, he leaves. He washes the ladel and bucket in a nearby water faucet, and politely gives them to a schoolgirl and her mother when they ask if those are the last gravestone-cleaning implements left in the surroundings. After that, he slowly walks towards the gates... and predictably, Syuusuke Fuji is standing there. Or more exactly, he's near to a small Buddhist temple settled next to the place.

Tezuka gets closer to the other man, and when he's about to raise a hand and touch him, he notices that he's quietly singing in English under his breath.

"_You and me..._", Fuji whispers, but he then sees his boyfriend and stops.

"Syuusuke? Which song was that?".

"Would you believe me that I don't remember anything of it, except the rhythm and that small chorus?".

Fuji smiles at Tezuka. "Did you tell everything to your grandfather, Kunimitsu? Do you feel more at ease with yourself now?"

Tezuka nods quietly.

"... We should be leaving, Syuusuke", he says. "My mother must be wondering if something happened to us...".

"You're right. You told Ayana-san you'd be back at 5 PM, and we're already late..."

Tezuka stares at the temple for some seconds, and Fuji hears him whisper _"Thank you for letting me visit, and talk to my grandfather"_, before they walk away.

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Author's notes:

(1) Hanatachi: flower holder of the standard Japanese gravestone. Instead of directly placing the flowers on the stone itself, you put them there.

(2) Kouro: incense stand of the standard Japanese gravestone.

(3) Mizubachi: water receptacle of the standard Japanese gravestone. People usually fill it with water as a sort of offer to the dead, so the spirit can "drink". You can also leave beer cans, sake, or food (usually sweets).


End file.
